JUNE: “The Father I Remember: A Legacy of Love and Strength”

A Story of Presence: My Dad, My First Teacher

By Colleen Fakalogotoa – CEO, Fathers For Families

Featured Quote:

“Please be the best dad you can be — your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren will be forever impacted by the dad you show to them.

As a mother, grandmother, and wife, I never expected to write something for a men’s programme. But the foundation of my understanding of fatherhood began with one man — my dad. This is a story of presence, resilience, and legacy — and how one father’s love continues to shape lives, long after he’s gone.

My Story:

I’m writing this from a borrowed laptop, sitting at the table where Eli, Monty, and George do their mahi — surrounded by the heartbeat of our kaupapa. Eli’s asked me to write a blog for the Fathers For Families website. At first, I wasn’t sure what to say. I’m not a participant in the programme. I’m a grandmother, a mother, a wife. What could I possibly offer the men journeying through change?

Then I thought about my own beginnings — about the first man I ever knew. My dad.

My father didn’t just parent us — he shaped us.

He taught me how to walk through the world with integrity, to be unapologetically myself, and to cherish the relationships that matter most. He didn’t just tell us we were valuable — he showed us, with time, laughter, and presence.

He played games with us. He told stories. He laughed with Mum and made sure we saw love expressed in action. When we misbehaved, we got the glare. Silence. Stillness. His discipline was never loud, but it always landed. He never swore — he never needed to.

My brother and I each had a different connection with him. He played toy soldier battles with my brother, drew pictures with me, and noticed everything — bugs, stars, starfish. Every little thing became an adventure or a lesson.

When I struggled at school, especially with maths, he said: “I was no good at maths either — but not every path needs that.” Instead, he nurtured our creativity. He built plastic planes, driftwood monsters, cardboard cathedrals. Some days, just before sunset, he’d call out: “Quick, get in the car!” We’d drive to watch the light fade over the hills — a memory we didn’t know was being made.

He taught himself calligraphy. He’d spend half an hour on one envelope. Not to impress, but because he loved what he was making. Every letter mattered.

Later in life, he faced enormous challenges — brain tumours, spinal tumours, multiple surgeries. He lost his sight. I’ll never forget the day my brother visited and found him crying. “It’s okay to be scared,” Dad said, “but don’t let the fear take over you.”

Even blind, he returned to work. With Mum’s help, he kept teaching — still giving, still living with purpose.

He’s been gone now for 30 years. But he is still my dad. Still my first teacher. Still my example of what love, strength, and humility look like.

To all the men in our programme, and beyond:

Your children will remember how you loved, how you showed up. It won’t be about being perfect — it’ll be about being present.

Be the best dad you can be. The legacy you leave is not just for your children — it ripples across generations.

My dad is still my hero.
And he was never great at maths.