July: LIFE On the social service border

Written By Eli Tulafono

Pertaining to Fathers For Families (FFF)

Title: Life on the Social Service Border
Subtitle: Protecting Participants, Upholding Kaupapa, Living Kingdom Principles

What is the Social Service Border?
In the work of Fathers For Families (FFF), the Social Service Border represents the invisible yet powerful line between:

  • Participants personal histories and the professional environment of FFF.

  • Our kaupapa and the wider systems: Courts, Corrections, Oranga Tamariki & Community Agencies.

  • Kingdom values, cultural tikanga, and professional practice blending into one unified purpose.

This border must be carefully protected to keep participants safe, uphold trust, and remain true to the FFF Vision (Restoring MANA, Building LEGACY) and faith.

Purposes of Protecting This Border:

1. Safety & Wellbeing

  • Create trauma-informed, safe, and respectful spaces.

  • Shield participants from exploitation, manipulation, or re-traumatisation.

  • Provide a space where men can transform without fear of judgement.

2. Upholding Values, Morals & Kingdom Principles

  • Live out:

    • Manaakitanga – compassion and care.

    • Tapu – protecting the sacredness of each person.

    • Te Vā / Tauhi Vā / Pulupulu le Vā – nurturing sacred relational spaces.

  • Reflect Biblical wisdom and moral balance.

3. Professionalism & Integrity

  • Maintain confidentiality and clear boundaries.

  • Be consistent in applying FFF processes and policies.

  • Act with humility, honesty, and accountability.

  • A facilitator guiding a session, writing on a whiteboard.

4. Protection of the Kaupapa

  • Safeguard the kaupapa from personal agendas, bias, or corruption.

  • Stay focused on healing, restoration, and generational change.

5. Philosophies & Cultural Wisdom

(a) The Golden Mean (Aristotle)

  • Seek balance between extremes in all actions.

  • Avoid excess (harshness) or deficiency (over-permissiveness).

  • Practice firmness with compassion.

“Virtue lies in finding the mean between too much and too little.”

(b) The Vā (Samoan & Tongan)

Samoan – Pulupulu le Vā

  • Cherishing the sacred space between people.

  • Avoiding words or actions that damage trust or respect.

Tongan – Tauhi Vā

  • Actively caring for the relational space.

  • Protecting harmony through respect, humility, and responsibility.

“The Vā reminds us that every interaction shapes the space between us.”

Āta (Māori)

  • Āta whakaaro → Think carefully.

  • Āta kōrero → Speak gently.

  • Āta mahi → Work with care and respect.

  • Brings deliberation, dignity, and sacredness into all interactions.

“Āta ensures we act in ways that protect mana and tapu.”

6. Practical Daily Check for FFF Workers

Before each session, reflect:

a.     Am I balanced today? (Golden Mean)

b.    Am I nurturing and protecting the relational Vā?

c.     Am I approaching my mahi with Āta?

d.    Am I vigilant in upholding safety and the Kingdom’s values?

7. Final Recap – James 1:19

“Everyone should be - quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19

This scripture anchors our work:

  • Quick to listen → Respect the Vā, act with Āta.

  • Slow to speak → Seek the Golden Mean before responding.

  • Slow to anger → Guard the internal border so harm doesn’t cross into our mahi or our whanau.

8. Closing Reflection

“Life on the Social Service Border is not about keeping people out. It is about keeping harm out, letting healing in, and standing as guardians of both the men’s hearts and the integrity of our Kaupapa and Kingdom values.”

Mauri Ora Whanau……

 

Eli Tulafono
Next

JUNE: “The Father I Remember: A Legacy of Love and Strength”